1. You walk up to a McDonald's (or any fast food burger joint) and ask for Ewok burgers.

2. When told they serve none, you offer to sell them your recipe.

3. You've spent more money on Star Wars merchandise than you have on your car.

4. When at the eye doctor and asked whether you can read the letters, you say "Well, I think my eyes are getting better.  Instead of a bit of a dark blur, I see a big light blur..."
 
5. You're certain that one of the lines reads R 2 D 2 (or C 3 P O)
 
6. Back when the movies were out, you were on a first name basis with the theater staff.
 
7. They soon didn't ask you what movie you were there to see.
 
8. You can do a great "Yoda" imitation.
 
9. You CAN'T do a great "Yoda" imitation but try to do so anyway.
 
10. You have gotten a sore throat imitating Jabba, the rancor, a Gamorrean guard, or Darth Vader.

11. Security personnel were required to control you when a Boba Fett autographing session was over and you didn't want to leave.

12. You tried to steal the Fett costume later on.

13. You have used money that otherwise would have been used for food to buy a Fett, Stormtrooper, or Vader costume.

14. You know at least 10 SW web site addresses by heart.

15. You have read every single You might be an SW fan if/You know you're a fan/etc thread.

16. You have authored two or more of them.

17. You bought the THX remastered trilogy on Widescreen LD despite the fact that you already HAD the old Widescreen LD.

18. You didn't have an LD player yet.

19. You bought an empty building for your SW collection.

20. You refuse to speak to anyone who has gotten Star Wars confused with Star Trek.

21. You tripled the drinks taken per item in the SW Drinking Game.

22. When someone mentions the moon ("Full moon tonight, Wow, the moon looks really big", etc) you, in a very solemn voice, say "That's no moon...that's a [emphasis] battle station."

23. You search the skies with binoculars for signs of battling starships.
 
24. Whenever you catch sight of cars behind yours, you say "Fighters, coming in, point three five."
 
25. You only see movies with John Williams soundtracks.

26. Neighbors complain about being able to hear the Star Wars theme coming from your house at 2 AM.

27. You walk up to your boss's secretary and say in a flat voice "You will take me to Jabba now."

28. She (or he) sighs and mutters "not again".

29. You have gone over ROTJ frame by frame looking for the shoe.

30. You have gone over ANH and ESB frame by frame just in case someone put a shoe in either of those, too.

31. You call up LucasFilm with a fifty item list on things you would like changed in the upcoming Special Editions.

32. You call so often that they eventually just leave their phone off of the hook.

33. After that setback, you fax the list to them instead.

34. You drive over one thousand miles to get to a con where LucasFilm's showing the SE trailer.

35. You and the LucasFilm reps are on a first name basis.

36. You are kicked out of the con after repeated attempts to steal the trailer reel.

37. You have beaten Dark Forces only using the fist.

38. You start putting SW posters on the ceiling after running out of room on your walls.

39. You can recite large portions of the SW Guide.

40. When a friend gets mad at you, you say "Strike me down with all of your hatred."

41. They attack you with a POTF2 lightsaber.

42. Another friend blocks it with HIS POTF2 lightsaber.

43. You reenact the end of ROTJ until the first friend says "Never!" You snarl "Then you will die!" and are disturbed to find that lightning isn't coming out of your hands.

44. You and your friends spend the next few weeks trying to come up with a way to simulate Force lightning.
 
45. You know someone named "Biggs".
 
46. You ARE named "Biggs".
 
47. You practice sword fighting with your POTF2 saber and making Vader breathing noises at the same time.

48. You make lightsaber lookalikes that actually glow using neon tubing.

49. You and your friends fight with them at night in the middle of crowded intersections to attract attention.
 
50. As everyone starts a tough exam, you look it over, tell yourself "Do or do not, there is no try."  You, deciding this falls into the "do not" category, you write your name and turn it in blank.
 

©Ozq 2001