Bizarre But True
A true story out of San Francisco:
It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown
Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup.
Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give
his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write
the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the
brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or
go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said,
"OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who
arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.
Seattle.....
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline
from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled
up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said
that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose
into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested
in San Antonio, Texas after a mechanic reported to police that 18
packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car
which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According
to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic
would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
Drug possession defendant Christopher
Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched
without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a
warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun.
Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing
the same jacket that day in court.
He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered
a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute
recess to compose himself.
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two
patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to
children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system
worked, the officer's asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin
gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and
moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed
Gaitlin was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
Tennessee: A man successfully broke into
a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera
was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located
elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing
the camera.)
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K,
put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk
opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash
in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took
the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer
pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through
a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
New York: As a female shopper exited a
convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called
911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description
of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher.
They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was
then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.
To which he replied, "Yes Officer..that's her. That's the lady I
stole the purse from."
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column
reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at
12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down
because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available
for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front
off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of
their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine,
though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left
the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine.
With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's
license plate still attached to the bumper.
And finally.....
Florida: A thief burst into the bank one
day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the
guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F----UP!"
For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started.
The guard lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his
life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn
and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still
at large. In memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on
the wall engraved "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a f----up!"
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© Ozq 2001