I'm Glad I'm a Woman
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am,
yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts
and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for
directions.
I don't get wasted at parties, and act
like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet
seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch
your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my
beer gut.
And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my
crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard
gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch
my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that
kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could
sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover
my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches
of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with
my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the
side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too
much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for
me,
to have these two boobs and squat when
I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I won't tell you my wife just does not
understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to
hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and
weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound
asleep!
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you
see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't
cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with
my dick.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful,
it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man
like you!
~*~ back
~*~
© Ozq 2001