Your Horror-scope
Aquarius:
21st Jan - 19th Feb
You have an inventive mind and are inclined
to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined
to be careless and impractical, using you to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
Everyone thinks you are stupid.
Pisces: 20th
Feb - 20th Mar
You have a vivid imagination and often
think you are being followed by the CIA and FBI. You have minor influence
over your associates and people resent you for flaunting your power. You
lack confidence and are generally a coward.
Aries: 21st
Mar - 21st Apr
You are the pioneer type and hold most
people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of
advice. You are a jerk.
Taurus: 21st
Apr - 21st May
You are practical and persistent. You
have a dogged determination to work like hell. Most people think you are
stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a communist.
Gemini: 22st
May - 21st Jun
You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to
expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are notorious
for thriving on incest.
Cancer: 22nd
Jun - 23rd Jul
You are sympathetic and understanding
to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always
putting things off, and that is why you'll always be on welfare and never
achieve.
Leo: 24th
Jul - 23rd Aug
You consider yourself a born leader, while
others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot
tolerate honest criticism; your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are
thieves.
Virgo: 24th
Aug - 23rd Sep
You are the logical type and hate disorder.
This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional
and often fall asleep while making love. Virgos make excellent bus drivers
and pimps.
Libra: 24th
Sep - 23rd Oct
You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time with reality. If you are a man, you are most likely queer. Changes
of employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are excellent
whores. All librans die of venereal disease.
Scorpio:
24th Oct - 22th Nov
You are a shrewd businessperson and cannot
be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total
lack of ethics. You are a plu-perfect son of a bitch. Most Scorpios are
murdered.
Sagittarius:
23rd Nov - 21st Dec
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You
have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority
of Sagittarians are drunk and dope fiends. People laugh at you a great
deal because you are always getting screwed.
Capricorn:
23rd Dec - 20th Jan
You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been
a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for
long periods of time, as they tend to attract pigeons. They are notorious
for farting in church.
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© Ozq 2001