What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down ?
        Marriage.

What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for ?
        It's Braille for "suck here".

Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds ?
        Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't ?
        Her navel.

Why do men die before their wives ?
        They want to.

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women ?
        He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
 
What's the difference between a woman with pms and a pitbull ?
        Lipstick.
 
What's a wife ?
        An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
 
What's the most active muscle in a woman ?
        The penis.
 
Why do women have tits ?
        So men will talk to them.
 
What do you call a Playboy centre-fold who's a lesbian ?
        Bitch.
 
How can a woman tell she's flat chested ?
        She looks down her dress and the two bumps she sees are her knees.
 
Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat ?
        They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.
 
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
        You can unscrew a light bulb.

Why did God make man first ?
        He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.
 
What's the definition of a male chauvinistic pig ?
        A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong ?
        Made her chain too long.
 
Why was the woman crossing the road ?
        Who cares! What's she doing out of the kitchen?
 
Why are hurricanes normally named after women ?
        When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
 
What's the difference between your wife and your job ?
        After 5 years your job will still suck.
 
Why did God create lesbians?
        So feminists couldn't breed.
 
Why did the army send so many women with pms to the Persian Gulf ?
         They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
 
Why can't you trust woman ?
        How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
 
What's the best thing about a blow job ?
        Ten minutes silence.
 
 

© Ozq 2001