What Are You Saying?
Women's English:
"Yes" = No.
"No" = Yes.
"Maybe" = No.
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry.
"We need" = I want.
"It's your decision" = The correct decision
should be obvious by now.
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this
later.
"We need to talk" = I need to complain.
"Sure.... go ahead" = I don't want you
to.
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset,
you moron!
"You're.... so manly" = You need a shave
and you sweat a lot.
"You're certainly attentive tonight" =
Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I
have flabby thighs.
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I
want a new house.
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting,
and furniture, and wallpaper....
"Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean
hang it there!
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were
almost asleep.
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for
something expensive.
"How much do you love me?" = I did something
today you're really not going to like.
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off
your shoes and find a good game on TV.
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just
agree with me.
"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late,
you're dead.]
"Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get
out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
"I'm not yelling!" = Yes I am yelling
because I think this is important.
Men's English:
"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired" = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd
eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd
eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually
like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually
like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage."
= I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you
are making such a big deal out of this.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted
psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight
is out of the question.
"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you" = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...we'd
better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair"
= I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair"
= $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress
you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have
sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make
it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) "I like that one better"
= Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
"I don't think that blouse and that skirt
go well together" = I am gay.
~*~ back
~*~
© Ozq 2001